The food thing seems never-ending sometimes, right? Every single day you have to decide on a breakfast that will keep the kids full, what to pack for lunch, and what dinner you can possibly cook so at least half the people in your family will happily eat it. It’s exhausting – but not quite as exhausting as when one (or more) of your kids absolutely refuses to even try the food you have worked so diligently to provide. We would like to say that there is an all-around encompassing solution that works for everyone; however, that would make us complete liars. BUT we can give you a few tips on how you might be able to encourage positive behaviors surrounding food.
- Always Offer a Safe Food
For whatever reason, when one of our kids was just over a year old, she would ONLY eat cheerios. No joke, she REFUSED everything else. It was frustrating, and also a little scary thinking about her not getting enough nutrients (thank goodness for multivitamins). I came across a great piece of advice saying to offer “safe” foods with every meal next to new foods. I thought it sounded a little ridiculous to offer her cheerios at every meal, but it’s not like she was willing to eat anything else anyway. So for all meals, right alongside her chicken, potatoes, and strawberries, there were cheerios. Always cheerios. And without fail, she would eat them up – but then something else started to happen… she started to play with the other foods, even bringing them up to her mouth. She became braver with each sitting, especially since she knew she could always fall back on the cheerios. She still likes cheerios, but they are far from her favorite food now. She has expanded her safe food palate, and we always offer at least one of them alongside more and more new foods. It’s been the best way to encourage adventurous food habits while also allowing her to feel safe in the choices presented to her.
2. Let Them Help You Cook
I know, it sounds messy. Really really messy. Try to decide in advanced what you’re willing to let them help with, and then let it slowly expand from there over time. Pour ingredients into measurement cups and then allow them to pour those into the big bowl, model mixing with a wisk, show them how to grate cheese, and anything else that can be done at the counter (and far away from the stove and oven). We personally love our “toddler tower,” which is essentially a big and enclosed stepping stool that allows even the smallest tykes to be a part of everything happening up on the counters (even the dishes are fascinating to them). Partaking in the meal making gives them a bigger sense of pride and accomplishment at dinner time, and grows their confidence in trying new meals.
3. Put Smaller Portions on Their Plate
It’s hard as a parent to not want to load up your kid’s plate with as much as possible. We want them to eat, and we don’t want to ever feel guilty that we didn’t give them enough. However, when foods seem “big” on the plate, it can be extremely overwhelming for young eyes and little hands. Instead of filling up the plate, try just 3-4 pieces of each food (three pieces of meatball, four strands of pasta, and three pieces of cooked carrot). This will give them space to analyze what is in front of them and allow them a chance to explore. Feel free to add to their plate as pieces start to get low in numbers.
4. You are not a Short-Order Cook
It is really tempting to just run back into the kitchen, and find something else for your kids to eat, the very moment they turn their nose up at you’ve served. I’m super guilty of it too! Just bringing them something you know they will eat helps defuse any potential of a meltdown, and it ensures they are full before bed. These short-term satisfactions though mess up long-term ability to eat a variety of foods. Again, rely on the safe food. Every meal you serve, already have a safe food placed on the plate – this makes sure they eat at least one part of the meal, and you won’t feel guilty for not running back into the kitchen to make something else for them.
5. Make a Kitchen Garden Together
If you’re like us and live in a condo in the city, a garden may seem like a pipe dream. We’ve utilized our terrace for this in the past, but recently we’ve become interested in small pots that can be stacked vertically (and even hanging from the wall) to grow a few smaller vegetables and herbs. This one takes a little bit of planning, regardless of it’s a small kitchen garden or a large yard one; however, the result is the same – kids LOVE dirt, they love helping, and they love knowing they helped grow something. They will feel confident trying the food that they had complete control in creating.
6. Don’t Identify Food as “Good” or “Bad”
Often times labeling food as “good” or “bad” foods can lead to confusion, guilt, and even eating disorders. Consider using other terms to describe foods. If you feel strongly your children should only eat cookies on certain occasions, you can say that “cookies are a sometimes food,” or “cookies are for special occasions.” Follow it up with, “but fruit is an anytime food,” and offer them a few different fruit choices so they can still make their own decisions. When it’s time for cookies though, work to not restrict how many they have, comment, or make jokes about eating too many. Do not tell your children that they need to work it off, or restrict their food intake the next day to make up for eating the cookies. By eliminating the negative talk, it takes away the need to binge when they are present, and most importantly, it takes away the guilt of enjoying a few cookies without later punishing themselves for it.
7. Let Them Decide When They are Satisfied
It is so tempting to tell our kids, “finish your food” or “take just three more bites.” This helps us as parents feel satisfied that we’ve made sure they will be full. However, it’s not about how satisfied we feel, but how satisfied their stomach’s feel. Children have an innate ability to listen to their hunger cues, which we have often forgotten to do as adults. I feel desperate when one of my children only eats three bites total for lunch and insists they are done – I think “there’s NO way they can be full already!” But it’s not up to me. It’s up to them. Allowing them to listen to their own body cues gives them confidence to make empowered choices when it comes to their body and food. And if they insist they are still hungry 10 minutes later, I offer them their barely touched lunch or a piece of fruit (that freedom of choice makes them feel empowered to make their own decisions).
8. Avoid “Dieting” and “Body Shape” talk
Speaking to your children, or even just saying a quick comment about weight loss (i.e. “I need to exercise to lose weight,” or “I don’t eat carbs so I can keep my figure”). often leads to restrictive food behaviors or eating disorders. Children internalize everything we say, even if the comment is aimed at ourselves. Speak about food and exercise in terms of how they make you feel (i.e. I exercise so I can feel strong,” or “I like to eat extra vegetables because it makes me feel energized”). This not only turns eating into a positive experience, but allows your children to see food as a way to fuel and strengthen their bodies, and not as a villain that they need to punish themselves for eating.
9. It’s Okay to Play with Your Food
Let the kids play. Okay, maybe you don’t want it happening too much at a restaurant or when visiting someone else’s home. But if you’re home, put a placemat down under their plates, and let them make a mess. Let them use their fingers even if they are older kids, and let them make shapes or move pieces around. Set boundaries so they know what’s off limits (i.e. no throwing the food) and put out a few herbs, spices, or sauces so they can take small test samples with different flavors. Eventually they will learn not to play around with their meal, but until they are comfortable eating whatever is front of them, let them explore.
10. Model Positive Food Behaviors
Everyone has heard this a thousand times – our kids watch everything we do. Eat balanced meals at the table. Choose snacks that fuel and energize you. Take a treat just because you feel like it which may help to encourage non-restrictive food behaviors. If your child witnesses you eating a veggie (or anything else) in front of them, the more likely they will be to join you.
Even though it feels impossible, there are ways to sway a picky eater to become a little more adventurous each and every day. Be patient and kind towards your child, and yourself, as you both learn and grow together on this food positive journey.
